Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
