My brain says no but my pants say off.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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