I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
