The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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