i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
