Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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