Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
