there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
