The brown eye won't let me do that either.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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