I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
