i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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