I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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