You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
