i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
