Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
