you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
