is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
