the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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