My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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