morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
