I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
