Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
