I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
