Jerry, you need to find god
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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