Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
