So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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