Pants 0. Shit 1.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
