And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
