Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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