Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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