yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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