Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
