Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
