Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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