It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
