evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
