I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
