he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
