even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
