so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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