I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
