You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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