I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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