just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She announced her abortion via fbk
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
