Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
