Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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