Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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