You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
