That's intense
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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