just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
