i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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