I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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