1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
