I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
