i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
