We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
