I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
